The Crimson Pirate (1952) Reviewed

The Crimson Pirate (1952) is a comedic action tale set somewhere in the Caribbean sometime in the 18th Century. Burt Lancaster is Captain Vallo, a pirate of undetermined origin who has a penchant for carefree acrobatics and extravagant heists. His closest comrade and co-conspirator is Ocho (played by Nick Cravat, Lancaster's friend and fellow former circus performer), a mute pirate who is perhaps Vallo's only equal. Vallo's latest elaborate plan is unexpectedly complicated, however, by the arrival of Consuelo (Eva Bartok), the daughter of a rebel leader. It would require a flow chart to describe the plot, but here is the basic structure: A prideful pirate captain undertakes a daring heist, adds a double cross, tops it off with a triple cross, falls in love at first sight, becomes moody and sullen because of confusing emotions that are obstructing his amoral moneymaking schemes, decides to help the rebels only because he has a crush on the rebel leader's daughter, and then a montage ensues wherein the pirate captain becomes an idealistic and inspirational leader who motivates the oppressed to work industriously towards an ingenious plan to free the rebel leader and topple their oppressors. When Vallo isn't grumbling and feeling sorry for himself for liking someone, he's swinging from ropes, jumping through windows, and generally engaging in joyous gymnastic shenanigans. The story takes another whimsical turn after the rescue of Professor Prudence (James Hayter), an academician with an enthusiasm for invention that rivals that of Leonardo da Vinci. His fascination with fabulous contraptions will be central to the montage and the ingenious plan.

The primary ingredients of a satisfactory swashbuckling movie are sadly lacking, though. Even with Lancaster's introductory monologue imploring the audience to indulge the film's flagrant use of poetic license, every single thing in The Crimson Pirate defies believability. The most fantastical Sinbad movie has more solid grounding than any aspect of this film. The characters are shallow, the dialogue is rudimentary, and the story lacks spirit. The only time Vallo picks up a sword is to cut a rope, and the swordplay that does occur is embarrassingly unconvincing. The stuntwork in itself is impressive, but—without the foundation of believable characters and meaningful story—it falls flat. We just don't care.

The swashbuckling romance of The Crimson Pirate seems less like a promise than a prank, which would be forgivable if it were funny, but it isn't. It's a bit of a drag.

Writing: Mediocre
Directing: Fair
Acting: Mediocre/Fair
Cinematography: Good
Stunts: Great
Swordplay: Poor
Panache: Mediocre

Overall Rating: Fair
Swashbuckling Rank: Mediocre

Written by: Roland Kibbee
Directed by: Robert Siodmak
Performed by: Burt Lancaster, Nick Cravat, Eva Bartok, Torin Hatcher, James Hayter, et al.

The Prince of Thieves (1948) Reviewed

The Prince of Thieves (1948), based vaguely on Alexandre Dumas' Le Prince des voleurs, begins with a jolly outing by Sir Allan Claire (Michael Duane) and his sister, Lady Marian Claire (Patricia Morison), which is rudely interrupted by an assassination attempt by an anonymous bowman (I. Stanford Jolley). Luckily for the plot, Robin Hood (Jon Hall) just happens to be in the vicinity and is soon drawn into it. Hall's Robin Hood has the charm and bravado of a middle manager, which is apparently enough to lead a band of half-lucid merry layabouts. Sir Allan was promised the hand of Lady Christabel (Adele Jergens), but she is now a prisoner being forced to marry a villainous nobleman who is a supporter of King John. Naturally, Robin agrees to help Sir Allan win her hand, which results in a breakneck series of battles, jailbreaks, rescues, and predictable cheers upon any mention of "Good King Richard."

Filmed, ironically, in Cinecolor, a technique infamous for its inability to accurately render the color green, The Prince of Thieves is dazzling only in the vividness of its earth tones, which may be appropriate for a film that has more in common with a western than an English folktale. A handful of British actors lend a hint of legitimacy, but the American cast does little to dispel the pervading artificiality. The acting and writing are equally uninspired, the directing and fight choreography are equally clumsy, the music is bland (and usually mismatched to the scenes), and the humor is stale. This film has nothing to recommend it except, perhaps, to completionist fans of Alan Mowbray, who is adequate as Friar Tuck.

Writing: Poor
Directing: Poor
Acting: Poor
Cinematography: Mediocre
Stunts: Mediocre
Swordplay: Poor
Panache: Mediocre

Overall Rating: Poor
Swashbuckling Rank: Mediocre

Written by: Charles H. Schneer and Maurice Tombragel
Based on: Le Prince des voleurs by Alexandre Dumas
Directed by: Howard Bretherton
Performed by: Jon Hall, Patricia Morison, Adele Jergens, Alan Mowbray, Michael Duane, H.B. Warner, Lowell Gilmore, Gavin Muir, I. Stanford Jolley, et al.

7th Sea 3rd Edition Crowdfunding Soon to Be Launched

Studio Agate has announced an upcoming Kickstarter project for a new edition (3rd) of the fantasy swashbuckling role-playing game, 7th Sea. I have no experience with the game in any edition and have never read it, but it has been a popular topic of online discussion amongst a subset of gamers for years. Click here for more information.