The Crimson Pirate (1952) is a comedic action tale set somewhere in the Caribbean sometime in the 18th Century. Burt Lancaster is Captain Vallo, a pirate of undetermined origin who has a penchant for carefree acrobatics and extravagant heists. His closest comrade and co-conspirator is Ocho (played by Nick Cravat, Lancaster's friend and fellow former circus performer), a mute pirate who is perhaps Vallo's only equal. Vallo's latest elaborate plan is unexpectedly complicated, however, by the arrival of Consuelo (Eva Bartok), the daughter of a rebel leader. It would require a flow chart to describe the plot, but here is the basic structure: A prideful pirate captain undertakes a daring heist, adds a double cross, tops it off with a triple cross, falls in love at first sight, becomes moody and sullen because of confusing emotions that are obstructing his amoral moneymaking schemes, decides to help the rebels only because he has a crush on the rebel leader's daughter, and then a montage ensues wherein the pirate captain becomes an idealistic and inspirational leader who motivates the oppressed to work industriously towards an ingenious plan to free the rebel leader and topple their oppressors. When Vallo isn't grumbling and feeling sorry for himself for liking someone, he's swinging from ropes, jumping through windows, and generally engaging in joyous gymnastic shenanigans. The story takes another whimsical turn after the rescue of Professor Prudence (James Hayter), an academician with an enthusiasm for invention that rivals that of Leonardo da Vinci. His fascination with fabulous contraptions will be central to the montage and the ingenious plan.
The primary ingredients of a satisfactory swashbuckling movie are sadly lacking, though. Even with Lancaster's introductory monologue imploring the audience to indulge the film's flagrant use of poetic license, every single thing in The Crimson Pirate defies believability. The most fantastical Sinbad movie has more solid grounding than any aspect of this film. The characters are shallow, the dialogue is rudimentary, and the story lacks spirit. The only time Vallo picks up a sword is to cut a rope, and the swordplay that does occur is embarrassingly unconvincing. The stuntwork in itself is impressive, but—without the foundation of believable characters and meaningful story—it falls flat. We just don't care.
The swashbuckling romance of The Crimson Pirate seems less like a promise than a prank, which would be forgivable if it were funny, but it isn't. It's a bit of a drag.
Writing: MediocreDirecting: Fair
Acting: Mediocre/Fair
Cinematography: Good
Stunts: Great
Swordplay: Poor
Panache: Mediocre
Overall Rating: Fair
Swashbuckling Rank: Mediocre
Written by: Roland Kibbee
Directed by: Robert Siodmak
Performed by: Burt Lancaster, Nick Cravat, Eva Bartok, Torin Hatcher, James Hayter, et al.
